I don’t know why, maybe it’s just age, but over the last few years I keep noticing myself retreating inward, and missing important moments in the lives of my family and friends. There is no shortage of excuses that “allow” you to skip events, or see reasons why you can’t make something work, and sometimes those reasons are indeed valid.
But after a while I can see I’ve missed too many things. Too much time has passed between seeing important people, too many memories being made that I’m not participating in. The danger here is not just that you could hurt other people, but even more importantly, you can dim the brightness in your own life, by lessening the connection you have to people and activities that brighten the light within you. I know we all go through phases when we’re very busy, so I can see that I’ve had chapters like this before. Usually when I’ve been juggling just a few too many things.
This time around I feel like I’ve gotten lost. Like I’ve consumed too much media, and too many inputs. I started trying to be someone else, or part of different groups, or just plain emulating others. So much so that sometimes I can’t quite recall what my own genuine hobbies and interests are sometimes! That’s when you know you need a break, and a bit of a detox from too much tv, social media, and news!
But rather than tumble down a self-judgement rabbit hole, I’m just observing, being present with myself. I’m also asking myself, what do you need? What feels missing? Apart from a common feeling of general uninspired-ness, what else do you need right now? What would spark JOY for you today? Who do you need to speak to most?
And most important of all, let’s remember that we all go through different seasons in life. In a weird way, I feel like I’m waking up from a funny sleep where I was immersed in one season, and now it’s time to transition to the next. Seasons can last a few years too! For example, being really into watercolor painting for a few years, or a certain book genre, or traveling, or even a specific community of friends!
I think it’s important not to judge your experiences and choices. But rather, remain neutral and ask, what do I need more of now? Or less of now?
For me, I’m really missing a bit of adventure and travel in my life. (For example, in the next week I’m missing my 10-year MBA reunion in Paris, and my good friend’s wedding in Ireland, I can’t make it to either event) I also really miss my girlfriends from my days at Amazon, they’re my Seattle best friends, and before my ToneItUp days I would see them a few times per week! And I miss talking to my family more regularly too. I miss reading a lot of books, and I REALLY miss writing. For the JOY of writing, not for chasing page views, or followers, or things like that. (I want to do a separate post on how much blogging has changed in my years since starting, but more on that later!)
A love of writing is what first made me want to start a blog in the first place. Being creative is something that always energizes, me, it recharges me. I am excited to do more of it and worry less about all the planning around it.
I am ready for this next season in my life, which is more of a return to things that fill my cup, and were passions since childhood. It feels like such a relief to simply return to doing things that feel like old friends! Too often I tell myself to “come up with a plan” or that “I need a fresh start, I need to reinvent” but that feel draining in itself!
I always think I need to be doing more, faster, better… It honestly never occurred to me to just BE! I’m ready to give that a try.